If you are a mother in any capacity, I would assume you have a pretty good intuition. I would also assume you experience bouts of worry every now and then. What happens when that intuition causes you to worry that something is wrong? And what happens when that intuition is right?
September 25, 2023, changed my family’s life forever. As I sit here in this tiny hospital room watching my daughter sleep, I’m overcome with gratitude that she is alive and with me. While also carrying a load I never expected to carry. My 5-year-old, precious, little girl is battling Leukemia.
When your biggest worries become your reality, what do you do? When you are walking through a painful season, how do you keep moving?
When we received our devastating news, for me, there was only one option…abide in Christ. Sounds straight-forward, right? But what does that look like?
One thing that’s important to know is that 13 years ago you would have found me in the midst of an intense battle with anxiety—crippling, body aching, nauseating, tear-filled anxiety. It seemed as if there was no light at the end of the tunnel. All I knew to do during that time was keep crying out to the Lord. I prayed endlessly, worshiped through my pain, studied His word, and stayed consistent in church. This is what it looked like for me to abide in Christ even when it felt like nothing made sense. What I learned through that time was that even when I couldn’t feel His presence, He was there. He guided every move I made and brought me through that pit stronger and more confident in Him. I learned that sometimes difficult things happen to us, and we have to make a choice. Will we seek the Lord and move with Him through it? Or will we give up and allow ourselves to succumb to the pain?
As I sat in the emergency room on that dreadful September day and heard the oncologist say that my bubbly kindergartner was going to have to fight for her life; I knew I would have to make that choice again. I had just begun a new job as Women’s Ministry Director and felt we were faithfully following God’s direction for our family. Suddenly, our lives were turned upside down. Surely, this didn’t make sense.
I felt a peace wash over me in those first moments like never before. I was reminded quickly of how faithful our Father is. He had already brought me through pits in my life and He wasn’t done yet. So, while many people have asked how we are doing so well with this, my answer is always that He is faithful and all I can do is keep abiding in Him.
Right now, that looks like taking every thought captive and rooting them in God’s truth. Trust me, the fears creep in and the “what ifs” can try to overtake me, but Psalm 23 has been life giving for me in this season. When a scary thought or something unpleasant starts tiptoeing into my mind and when my old friend ‘anxiety’ tries to rear its ugly head and cripple my body, I take those thoughts captive. I release them to the Lord and repeat over and over, “The Lord is my shepherd, I have what I need.” I could share with you dozens of stories of how Christ has provided every single thing my family has needed throughout this journey. From physical needs, emotional, and relational, I am overwhelmed by the reminder that He gives us what we NEED! It may not be what we WANT but it’s always what we NEED and it’s always for His good!
I am taken back to that lonely apartment where I spent many nights awake and crying out to the Lord to take my anxiety away. He has reminded me that He uses it all for His good and His glory. Now, I can say I am thankful for that season because it prepared me for this one. It taught me how to memorize scripture and truly abide in Him so that I know how to take every thought captive, put on the armor of God and fight against the devil’s schemes.
When you find yourself staring at a situation you never wanted to experience, I pray that you stop those scary thoughts dead in their tracks. Take them captive, release them to the Lord, and repeat to yourself, “The Lord is my shepherd, I have what I need.” I would encourage you to memorize the whole passage of Psalm 23 and let it be on your tongue and mind frequently.
The Lord is my shepherd; I have what I need. He lets me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside quiet waters. He renews my life; he leads me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even when I go through the darkest valley, I fear no danger, for you are with me; your rod and your staff – they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Only goodness and faithful love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord as long as I live. Psalm 23:1-6
Mandy Helvig leads the Women’s Ministry at River Oak Church in Chesapeake, Virginia. She is a wife and mom of two elementary-aged children. Mandy is passionate about seeing women grow deeper in their relationship with Jesus and understanding of His word. In her free time, she loves being with her family, enjoying iced coffee year-round, and reading as many books as possible.
