We may not have much control over when we leave this planet, but we do have a say in how we leave and its impact on our families. Notably, Abraham did a great job putting his house in order before he died.
His example inspired me and my wife Janet to create a checklist to help our parents finish well. Both sets of parents asked us to take care of their affairs when they died, and we prepared this checklist a couple of years ago, a few months before my father died and two years before my mother died.
1. Prepare a simple will
Few people can relate to the size of Abraham’s vast estate, but we all have something of value to leave our family members. Sentimental value is as important to some people as financial value, which can lead to family friction. We can minimize this friction or avoid it altogether during a time of grief by preparing a will or trust.
“But if anyone does not provide for his own family, especially for his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8 CSB).
“To provide” (from the Latin pro-video) means “to see or plan ahead.”
According to the American Bar Association, more than half (55%) of Americans will die without a will or trust. Almost half do not currently have any life insurance. There’s a better way to live and a better way to leave.
Shortly after his wife Sarah died, Abraham bought not only a funeral plot but a whole cemetery. It was technically a nice cave, the upscale equivalent of a cemetery in that culture. Almost 40 years after Abraham bought that cave, his sons had an awkward reunion at their father’s funeral. It’s worth noting neither son debated details about their inheritance because Abraham had pre-arranged it all in writing (Genesis 25).
I cannot overstate how much you’ll help your family by clarifying your intentions in a simple, updated will. They would much rather bond over your memory than awkwardly guess your intentions for your assets.
What do you need to do to put your financial affairs in order before your funeral or the funeral of a loved one? Many denominations and networks have financial services to help you prepare a will for free. Consider talking to a GuideStone advisor who can help you with a customized financial plan that includes estate planning. Also, consider letting GuideStone help you with life insurance.
2. Prepare a living will
Just as a simple will clarifies how to distribute your assets, a living will clarifies what happens to you in the time leading up to your death. Oxford Languages defines a living will as “A written statement detailing a person’s desires regarding their medical treatment in circumstances in which they are no longer able to express informed consent, especially an advance directive.”
When King Hezekiah became terminally ill, the prophet Isaiah said to him: “This is what the LORD says: ‘Put your house in order, for you are about to die…’” (2 Kings 20:1b, CSB).
I’ve pastored churches for three decades and seen numerous family members argue over whether or not their parent wanted to be left on life support. Why put them through that when it’s your decision to make?
Do your spouse, children, or parents know what they’re supposed to do if you end up incapacitated in a hospital?
3. Formalize funeral plans
It’s understandable why some people don’t like to talk about death, but you don’t have to like death to get ready for it. The fewer decisions your family must make when you die, the better. The same is true for your parents or spouse.
Many of Abraham’s family members were likely buried in that family cemetery, like his great-grandson Joseph. Does your family have a written account of your funeral preferences and plans? I didn’t have to push our parents to make specific funeral plans. Believe it or not, we had fun talking about whom they wanted to speak and sing at their funerals and where and how they wanted us to bury them.
You can and should put your house in order by simply formalizing where or how you wish to be buried. Then give a copy to your immediate family. Doing so will comfort and bless your family in that inevitable hour of grief.
4. Clarify who’s in charge
The technical term for a legal transfer of authority is “Power of Attorney.” This means you’ll need to decide who’s in charge when you lose the capacity to make decisions for yourself. If you’ve entrusted one or more of your children to care for you or your spouse, give them the legal authority to speak on your behalf.
The most common examples are the sale of your vehicle or house, but that authority extends to the most basic responsibilities like dealing with your bank accounts and bills and the ability to write a check on your behalf.
5. Mend family fences
Abraham didn’t have a perfect family track record. For that matter, who does? He lied to, about, and with Sarah more than once. Sarah pushed him into fathering an illegitimate child because they both grew tired of waiting for the one God promised them. Favoritism between these two sons ran rampant in Abraham’s dysfunctional home and, unfortunately, became a family tradition that still impacts our world today.
Is there a family feud you can help settle? Is there anyone you need to forgive or reconcile with?
“He took his last breath and died at a good old age, old and contented, and he was gathered to his people” (Genesis 25:8, CSB).
Abraham’s family benefited not only from how he lived but also how he died. This list tremendously helped our family prepare for my parents’ departures. I’m likewise putting my own house in order to finish well for the sake of my family and testimony.
This article was originally published on LifewayResearch.com.
Need help with legacy planning? Contact Chuck Knox, BRN Legacy Coach, at chuckk@brnunited.org for legacy planning tips or to plan a legacy workshop at your church. You can also visit brnunited.org/legacy for more information or to learn about #LegacyPASJ.
